Thursday, May 8, 2008

Ummm Ok.. Whatever..

So I got this lovely little comment....

"Lauren said...
Wow...I'm so glad a a NICU nurse I don't work in your NICU. It sounds like you don't even give them a chance on a day to day basis. You have to work WITH the nurses not AGAINST them. Your beautiful baby can pick up on your negativity. Trust that they have done this thousands of times before, and be proactve in her care. But if you don't work WITH them....it is going to be a very, very long 2-3 more months for you.
-a concerned NICU nurse"

How do I not give them a chance.. Isnt asking them "Has anything changed?" giving them a chance?? They might not think it is important to tell a parent that their child got an eye exam but as a parent of a preemie its pretty dang important. Ive been through this before.. Twice before.. My oldest is a 29 week preemie and my middle child is a 27 weeker.. and I dont know if you noticed or not but he has a lot of dang equipment.. This "very long 2-3 months" with Aybra is going to be NOTHING compared to what I have faced with said 27 weeker and still continue to face.

And you are damn straight that I am negative with what some of those nurses do... That does not mean that I am negative with the nurses. This is MY CHILD that they are taking care of.. Not THEIR child.. If it was their child then they could do whatever they want. It does not matter that they have done it thousands of times before. Just because my child is in their care does not mean that I am not her parent and not going to have a say in her care... Some parents might not care and might not ask for details but Im not one of those parents. I want to know what is going on with my child. I dont want to hear "nothing has changed" when something has changed. And if they dont tell me then I ask about everything... That is not fair. I should not have to ask "Has any of her vent settings changed?" or "How is she tolerating her feeds?" They should be giving this information to me when I call to check on her.

7 comments:

Wendy said...

Lauren, your comment is terribly insensitive and egocentric. Have you ever had a child in the NICU? As a nurse myself who has both taken care of babies and had babies in the NICU, Khourt's rants are not unreasonable. She's trusting the care of her daughter to these people who are treating her like a number. No detail is too small and she's made that clear. She's also under an extreme amount of stress - an ill child in the hospital, recoving from a c-section, a special needs child at home. So comments like yours are not helpful at all. I'm guessing Khourt is glad you're not a nurse in her NICU either. She has enough hard-heartedness and unsympathetic people to deal with.

Khourt- rant away. I check this site several times a day and continue to pray for both you and that precious baby girl :)

Nic said...

Lauren, your comment was NOT necessary, completely cold and heartless and totally inappropriate. Where exactly is it that you get your right to judge? Being a NICU nurse and seeing this stuff all the time, you should know all too well the trials that Khourt is facing right now. Not only does she have to devote her time to Aybra, but she has two other boys to care for. I'm sure if it was just her and Aybra she would be there 24/7...I bet she'd much rather be doing everything on her own. The job of a NICU nurse is to care for the child. Any nurse that I know feels the need to also care for the family of their patient as well, especially when it comes to a baby and her momma. It is Khourt's right as a mom to know each and every thing that is going on with her little girl. She should NOT have to pry for information!! There is no need of that. If I were you, Lauren, I would offer up a huge apology for being so damn insensitive and walk away with my tail between my legs. I hope you never EVER make a mom of a NICU patient feel the way you made Khourt feel. If you do, you deserve to be fired!!

Khourt, you rant away, sweetie! You are going through SO much and you have SO many people that are here for you and want to hear everything...your joys, your frustrations, your fears. You have every right to be upset with nurses that aren't giving you the info you request. You are an amazing and strong mother and you are loved by many. You and Aybra and Kaia and Alo are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs to you all! ~Nic (momma2cuddlebugs from TBW)

Cristi said...

Ignore it hun!! Some nurses just are not used to parents like us who understand and need to know these things!! She is YOUR child, and you have been this route before, so if you say you want to know how much she pooped, and how much it weighed. YOU DESERVE TO KNOW IT! I knwo you would be there 24 hours a day if you really could, but you cant, so you PAY these people to care for your child. You dont let a babysitter off without telling you how the night went!

Keep your chin up! Your doing good!!!

Fallon said...

For someone who is not there to assume that because Khourtniey is (validly I might add) upset that she has to pry for information that she is not trying to work with the NICU nurses is ridiculous. Obviously the job of a NICU nurse is difficult, but that in no way takes away the responsibility of that nurse to inform parents of any changes in their child's plan of care, most especially when that nurse has been specifically asked about changes for the day. It says right on Aybra's chart that Khourtniey is very much involved and likes to be kept informed of all changes, they also know that Khourtniey calls multiple times each day and that she is at the hospital with Aybra every day. Understandably, some things will be forgotten when giving a report to a parent simply because of the dynamics of the NICU, but come on. If you don't know what changes you've made to a child's plan of care and say nothing has changed when she's calling every 2 to 3 hours, there is obviously a need for improved communication on your part.

Further, Khourtniey is rarely ever negative about it when she has to prompt. Does she get frustrated? Yes, of course, who wouldn't in such a situation? But she certainly doesn't make the job of the nurses more difficult, lash out, or act in any negative manner towards them. She requests they keep her informed of changes and leaves the ranting for here, where she isn't bringing that frustration to the NICU and to her child.

Assume little, ask much will get you far in life, Lauren. I hope for the sake of your NICU families, you 're better able to place yourself into their shoes in the future and remember that it's infinitely more difficult on them than it is on you; whether they have been there before or not.

Wen said...

Lauren:
Out of "concern" or whatever, it was totally out of line and inappropriate to post your insensitive comments on a preemie/nicu mother's blog. Total disregard for her immense suffering. Her frustration is absolutely justified and she has asked for nothing unreasonable. If you can't handle "demanding" or "difficult" parents with utmost respect, tolerance, and tact, then you're in the wrong line of work. We've got enough to worry about just trying not to lose it completely from sheer terror, unbearable frustration, and intolerable anguish to have to worry about maintaining harmonious relations with staff. Personalities will clash, there will be tension, even with the most passive, least "trouble-making" parents. "Nurses eat their young", isn't that the saying? Too many of you just don't have the patience or compassion necessary for the job...obviously.

I think Khourtniey has had enough experience to be able to handle herself just fine without your "help". ;-)

Wen said...

ps~ Just for the record, I have read the rants on the nicu nurses' forum, and no matter how offensive I might find them as a nicu parent, and they can be pretty offensive, I know it's not my business or place to, nor would I ever presume to tell them so on their own forum, the place they go to "safely" air their grievances, public forum or not. I have enough restraint and respect for the stress that they deal with to allow them their grievances in peace, justified imo or not. It's unrealistic and unfair to expect nicu parents to be on their best behavior and interact diplomatically with staff at all times. And if that's unacceptable to you, then so be it and we'll just have to deal with it, as we so often do.

Adrienne said...

Call it like it is Mama!!!!! NICU doesn't own your baby! They need to help her but you are Mama.

And to the commenter, nurses like you are NICU mamas' worse nightmares. You make us cry!